A GOOD LAND

For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land-a land with brooks, streams, and deep springs gushing out into the valleys and hills; Deuteronomy 8:7
This is what God gave to me first thing this morning. So I sat down and read Deuteronomy 8. It made me think of how God gives us promises that WE do not claim. It would be like someone giving you a new house and even though it is your house, you will not live there because you did not take the key to your new house, unlock the door and move in!
God has given us so much but because we are sheep (head down and never looking up) we do not receive what has been given to us. Don't you think that would be so frustrating to God. I guess frustrating would not be the right word. That would be our human word! I think more like heartbreaking to God. I am guilty of not claiming my promises. I let the enemy tell me that God meant that promise for someone else! Not me! I always feel like God says my middle name a lot. You know like VICKIE DEnise will you ever get this. I feel like that I am on another spiritiually growing place right now. You know when your heart races wehn you that what is God going to do next.
Jack and I are on a new adventure and with my natural eyes, I get a little nervous. With my faith eyes, I see that nothing is impossible wehen we are in God's will. So I believe that was what God was giving me this morning. I could have just brushed it off but I chose to get in the word of God to see what God was trying to tell me. It told me that God is bringing us into a good land-a land with brooks, streams and deep springs GUSHING out into the valleys and hills.  I am not believing what the enemy wants me to believe. His lies is this land is too big for you, that the giants live in this land, and that I need to stay where is is comfortable.That is time to take a leap of faith. So we are leaping! Please keep us in your prayers that we are in God's will. It would be good for your soul to read Deuteronomy 8 today and listed to what promise God has for you and claim that promise. May your 2013 bring you into the a good land-a land with brooks, streams, and deep streams gushing out into the valleys and hills! Peace, love and BLESSINGS to all of you.

Roller Coaster!

Well that is how explain about my life. ROLLER COASTER! Yesterday was a very hard day for Jack and I. It really has no rhyme or no reason. Some times I know what opens the floodgates of tears and some days not so much. I am so very blessed to have the friends that I do. Friends that can't phytham the loss of a child but they are so clued in on how it must hurt.
One thing that I want to say is that I am always amazed when someone says that I inspire them. Let me insert here (it is no way, shape or form) me that is doing the inspiring. I know as I know that the inspiring comes from God. I know when I have my melt downs that God never has a melt down. I know that when I just can't get this head wrapped around my situation that God is all over it.
I guess the first part of my struggle (this week) started Saturday when I was making my nieces and nephews their little gifts from Jack and I. I can't say too much about that (don't want to give away the gift part to nieces and nephews) but that stirred up that all the kids will be here, all except Ej. So not much sleep on Saturday night. I did not feel like going to church on Sunday but I did and of course the sermen included not giving your all and coming to church just because is not good enough. But anyway, after the service, a lady at the church that reminds me so much of my mom grabbed me and gave me a hug. And she said you was on mind last night and so I prayed for you. Norma Coffey that made me cry all the way home. To think that someone thinks of me and prays for me, just like my mom would have. Now do I need to insert that God has got this. So then come Monday night when it was time to wrap the gifts, well going down again. Still not giving too much away in cases sneaking nieces and newphews are reading this. It made me wonder what Ej's interest would be today and what he would be doing. I think I have shared this before but there is just days that I SHOULD NOT GO THERE! But I did! Round two of melt down pursued and was with me on Tuesday. That is when God sent Donna (her daughter Amanda is in heaven with Ej and they are comet jumping) Anyway God sent her to my office where she looked at me and said HONEY what is wrong and then she followed up with well that was a dumb question because I know what is wrong. By the time she left my office, I was better and she always makes me feel better. See God has sent me another mother that has lost a child to comfort me and give me wisdom of a Jesus Girl! Thanks Donna!  And I might insert here that all the sweet little friends on fb, that share kind words and comments that make m e feel better. Then Jack took me to Somerset last night to watch our little Kade (grandson) play basketball. It done my heart good to do a little coaching. Well actually I am not the coach but I am the nana who thinks she is the coach. So God let me think I know enough about basketball to do a little bleacher coaching...lol. So last but not least was my conversation with my other friend Julie Beckman who has got to be the sweetest person...And she has loads of compassion that I think God blessed her with. When those words was said that I inspire her..That is so funny to me because most the time I am doing all I possibly can to get by. But that is where God comes in once again. I CANNOT do anything without him leading and guiding and trying to make me understand that I am not controlling this life but God is. And I am thankful that God is patient with me because if he was not God, I would have already wore him out and would have made him quit. But I am thankful that he keeps sending me all the people I get to conversate with. He sends all of my friends just in time and with the right words and all I can say is I AM SO BLESSED, I AM SO THANKFUL that God or my friends have not walked away saying you are too much of a mess for me to stay. Please have the best Christmas ever with your children. Love them and when they are on your last nerve love them a little more. God has got me thus far and believe me when I say that it is miles further then I could have got on my own. It is not me, it is God.

I am Forgiven

I have learned so much about forgiveness over the last few years and one of the biggest thing I have found is that it is harder for me to forgive myself then it is  to forgive others.  I believe that some unforgiveness of others comes from not forgiving ourselves.  It is much easier to blame someone else then to think that the burden of responsibility might be on me.  With that being said not forgiving ourselves comes from pride. The pride that we think we are higher then God because he has forgiven us so why can't we forgive. When the bible says when we ask God not only with our mouths but with our hearts to be forgiven. It is done! Not tomorrow not the day after that not 5 minutes from now but right at that very second that you ask for forgiveness.  So God has forgiven us, but we keep it going. We try to figure out why we did it. We try to blame others for what WE did and then before we know we are back in the cycle of unforgivness. The very thing that God took and forgot about until we remind him. Sometimes we have to say I am sorry, will you forgive me. EVEN if we think we did nothing wrong. But if we have hurt someones feelings intentional or UNINTENTIONAL, that does not make their feelings any less hurt.  And I am not proud of the fact that in the past I have hurt someones feelings and I have done that intentionally.  How sad for me. That to hurt someone on purpose, well, is just mean spirited. But even if I hurt someone in my past and was unintentional I always thought, well that is their problem because I did not do it on purpose. I am thankful that I am not the old Vickie but the new Vickie. It is such a freedom. I am not perfect but no stretch of the imagination but I know I am a Jesus Girl and that makes me smile.  God's word is very clear about if you have unforgiveness in your heart and you come to the Alter of God, that you are to make it right and then come back to the Alter of God. If you believe in God's word then that is the message. I am not saying that forgiveness is easy, it is not because it involves us giving up what we would like to hold on to. I am thankful for the forgiveness that I have gotten from my friends and family but more than that, I am thankful that I am forgiven by our most precious heavenly Father. The Alpha and the Omega...

Friends forever I hope we will be

I have really been inspired by friendships lately. I wish that all the world could get that material things are just temporary and that true friends are not something that you can buy or sale.
This really got me thinking about friendships a couple of weeks ago, when my friend Tracy Simmons came to have coffee in the potting shed. We literally sat in the potting shed for three hours, just talking, eating pumpkin roll that Tracy had brought (which was awesome by the way) and hanging out. No TV, no distractions, no spending money. The highlight was the fire was going and it was just plain nice and simple.
It could be my age and how I understand now that I am not going to be laying on my deathbed thinking, oh if I could have one more trip to the mall or I wish I would have bought that coach purse. I know that we all have different interest and that is what makes the world go around. But, I promise if I had one wish to make, it would be that all my friends and friends to be would just come and have coffee with me. I love to talk about God, I love to hear about your family, I love to share stories of the past. I guess I just love to make memories! The second request would be no politics please. But I would be more than happy to pray for our leaders. (that one is for you Norma...lol)
It really has reminded that I want to be a better friend. I want my friends and family to know that I always have time for you. I want my friends and family to know that they are welcome at my home anytime. I want my friends and family that all things are possible with God. I want my friends and family to know that what does my heart good is a great conversation with you.
If you want to spend anything on me..I ask that you spend your time and I would love to spend my time with you...You are welcome here...hugs!

Nov

14

Sometimes I cry...

I get the feeling that this blog might be a little difficult, but I feel like I need to write. I really can't explain what brings on days like today and I try to figure them out. I know that Jack and I have come a really long way, but no matter how far I go and how I trust God and his plan, it doesn't help the fact that I flat out miss j. Ej to most, but I always called him j.
I promise it lights my world up when someone mentions his name. I know that sometimes our friends and family don't speak his name because they are worried it will upset us by reminding us that he is gone. But believe me when I say we do not have to be reminded. I actually am amazed that I can have a business meeting, fix dinner, do church activities, do laundry, have a conversation with 10 people at the same time and Ej never leaves my mind. He is always there, always present, always past, just there. Sometimes it is just nice to know that others remember who j was or who he is. Even on days like today, I love for someone to tell a story about him.
And honestly sometimes I can hear his voice saying "mom, don't be sad because I am great, I am with God". I work so hard to honor his memory. I know that is a privilege that I love and that I am so blessed to get to be able to carry his honor.

But the reality is that I am here and he is there. It is a catch 22 to have one child here and one child in heaven. And speaking of that Tiffany has been the most awesome daughter ever. She stood on the sidelines for at least 2 to 3 years waiting for her mom and dad to come back. She never complained, she never said what about me, I am still here. She never turned her grief over to us. She carried that grief of her brother that she loved and then I know she felt like for awhile she lost not only her brother but her mom and dad. But slowly her dad and I found our way back to this place, and I know we are not the same mom and dad that left with Ej, but it was our love for Tiffany, Carson and Kade that made us want to come back.

I really don't know where this going. I just thought it was a good time to help you help others that have lost their child. Speak often of Ej or anyone that has lost a child, share memories, because that is what keep them alive, tell funny stories, tell serious stories. Just sometimes say I want you to know that I think of Ej often. I know I did not come back on my own. We have a God that is in the healing business as much today as yesterday and tomorrow. That same God gave us friends and family. Use your authority that God gave you. And if you don't know what to say to me sometimes, just speak Ej's name..That will help more than you will ever know. I do love my friends and family but I REALLY LOVE THE GRACE OF GOD.

 

I am just passing through!

What gives me peace is that I know that I am a visitor here. This is not my final home and for that I am so thankful. It took me a really long time to get this. I use to be so caught up in the next 10 years, the next 5 years and the next 5 days. But really that all changed when we lost Ej. Now I just usually say thanks God for getting me this far.
I have been ask several times "how did you and how do you go on when you lose a child".  Please understand that I don't say this lightly, I believe this with all that I am. I go on because of the Grace of God. Maybe that is why I try not to get so emotional about politics. But I also understand that a lot of people do not look at this temporary home like I do. And please don't take that wrong because if not for the lose of Ej, I don't think I would have understood the whole temporary home, journey thing.
I do believe we are required to pray for our leaders. I still believe that prayers can go alot further than votes. I have seen with my faith eyes what God can do. I really do not know the heart of anyone. That includes our politicians. But you know what is really awesome? God knows the heart of all of us. I am thankful for that even though I have to repent more than I would like to admit. But what is great, is that God is in control and he has given us the right to live in America, which for those that have been to third would countries know that it is a blessing to live here. (I feel like the music should be playing in the background, America the beautiful)  I would like for all of us to take our grumbling time and turn into prayer time. I don't think it would  matter who became our leaders, we would still need to pray for our country. Let us just remember who the king is!

Broken Vessels

My friend Joe and I was talking about being broken today and why some of us stay broken while some of us are mended over time. His answer was such good analoge about being broken. He said "it is like when you take two bottles and drop them to the floor at the same time. One bottle might be shattered while another bottle could become a weapon or enough left to be a vessel. I have been in that shattered state where I thought this is too big and I am unfixable. I did not think at one time that the broken me could be anything but laying on the floor in a thousand pieces. That I had nothing left that could be used for anything. Yes, I did talk to God when I was broken all of the time. Sometimes it was the mad talk, sometimes it was the I don't understand talk, sometimes it was the I can't even come up with adequete words to say to God and sometimes it was just begging for mercy. But now I see while I was talking to God, he was gathering up Vickie pieces. God knew more about me than I did about myself. I even believe now that there was pieces that I did not even need. The pieces that I pick up along during my life. God does not want to put new wine in old wine skins. So he gave me new wine skins and filled me up with new wine. I am so thankful that God does not feel the same way that I felt back then. I am so thankful that he did not say, I am sorry Vickie but you are too broken and you have nothing left to offer. Don't get me wrong, I still struggle, I still miss and love Ej. I believe that he left that hole in my heart to remind me of the gift he gave me. It is not a gift that can be taken away. But it is the gift that I look foward to seeing again someday. I do have my priorities...First stop in heaven at the feet of Jesus...Second stop in heaven I will be running to see Ej.  So if you have brokeness talk to Jesus..He is the potter you know!!!!

Keepsakes from my past......

As I get older, I cherish memories and things that remind me of my past. This picture is a picture of old fishing lures from my dad's tackle boxes. I got the fishing display board from a little store by our home. The ironic thing is that the little store was a store that I know my dad stopped at before he went fishing in the morning while we was on vacation here at Lake Cumberland. The store was called the Kracker Barrel and while it was in the process of being tore down, I stopped one day and ask if I could have a something from the building because I am sentimental like that. The girl said we have this display for fishing stuff that we was going to throw out. I took it not knowing what I was going to do with it, besides hang it in the potting shed. I have had it for a little while, when it dawned on me to go through Dad's fishing lures and hang them on the board. It just worked out so great and I am thankful that it all came together. I will have to admit that I cried while putting the lures on the display board. But it was only because I was so glad that I kept dad's fishing lures. It was such a big part of how much he loved to fish. That he taught me to fish and also taught Tiffany and Ej to fish. Those are the same lures that we all fished with. So thanks dad for that memory.  I do have a few things from my parents when I was younger but I wish I would have kept more. So for my younger friends, believe me that it may not mean much to you now but if there is something special that your parents still have, do not get rid of it. You will be glad you kept it. Now with that being said, you can't keep everything but special things will mean lots to you later on. I just don't want to be a throw away kind of person.

Be expectant of God's gifts..

As some of you may have seen my face book post on Saturday.  The day that Jack caught a hummingbird. The amazing thing is that is the second hummingbird that we have caught. I caught the first one at the window in the garage right after Ej passed away. It was when I was really searching for answers from God about the death of our beautiful son. All my life I have adored hummingbirds and finches. To the point that Ej would kid me about the birds. But during this time God sent me a hummingbird to tell me a story. A story of how Ej was with him. Then fast forward six years later while in prayer on Saturday morning, I ask God to show me that Ej has been set free and he did. He sent another hummingbird in the same place. Jack caught it and said I will set you free. The bird was above the same window that I caught the first bird in. Jack handed it to me so I could hold it. It was so symbolic that God handed me Ej for a short while and then it was time to set him free. To let him fly. To walk with God, is the greatest gift. Our hearts miss Ej everyday but wow, I am so happy that we have a God that loves us so much that he died on the cross.  He did not stop there, he continues to give us what we need daily. I fall short of what God has for me, but he keeps giving me what I need.  My friend Donna Loy, said one time that I have dreams of Ej because I expect to have dreams of Ej.  I know that God always gives us a sign but we have to watch for them. We have to be intentional about being aware, about being thankful but most of all knowing that God is always with us. It is a thrill to me to catch a hummingbird and God knows that. So maybe what I want to say is be expectant today. Look for God and look for your gifts from God. That is the great thing gifts, God can give them all day long but if you don't open the package you will not ever see your gift...Love to all<3

And I said why don't we gut the bathroom"

We are well into the bathroom remodel. I have these big ideas and lucky for me I have Jack to follow through with my big ideas!  They say there is someone for everyone. Well my someone is definitely Jack.  We have always done projects but I don't think we have done one this messy before!  The look of us is no resemblance to what they look like on HGTV...lol.
We have mortar mix from head to toe.  Anyway the bathroom is almost done and we are still married.  I cannot even help plan the wedding until the house is in some kind of order.. And speaking of that, why is the entire house turned completely upside down when remodeling one little bathroom.  The funny thing is that tonight while cleaning up the bathroom and cleaning up us, Jack said we need to change the swing of the front door and build a pantry... We can't even finish one project before one of us comes up with another. Oh did I mention Jack is lucky to have me to follow through with his big ideas...Soon as I can figure out how to post pictures, I will post some...Happy remodeling everyone:)

Say yes to the dress:)

Saturday was say yes to the dress..It was a very fun and successful trip to find a wedding dress for my daughter Tiffany. You know God is so into our lives and I know that I preach this all the time, but I believe that we have to be aware of God's presence.. I believe he is always with us but we have to be aware of him and the gifts he shows us..Yesterday, when we walked into the store, I seen a dress and said to Tiffany "how about that one"  I could tell by her face she was not thrilled but after trying on a few dresses she appease me by trying on the one I like..And she loved it, I loved it, Tammy and Ashley loved it..It fit her like a glove and was the right size (just a little hemming) but all was beautiful and so was she..Now that great God part.  We are two hours away from out hometown and we was in alterations. When Tiffany looks at me and says she is from Jamestown (our hometown area).  Anyway here stood this young lady about E.J's age and it was a friend from his from high school and she said I LOVED Ej and he was a great friend.  We shared some stories of Ej and she got alter Tiffany's dress..I mean what are the chances.. God always throws Ej into big events in our life and for that I am thankful..Thanks Jennifer for sharing Ej stories, but thanks mostly God for putting people in my life at special times to let me know that You and Ej are always with us..Say yes to the dress and say thanks to God:)

Gratitude to God

It is amazing how I went through life without knowing how blessed I was even at the hardest times in my life. I was blessed to go on a missions trip this weekend to Eastern Kentucky with Jack.  I am always caught off guard of when my blessings come and for what God shows me about my past life.  We did a remodel for a couple that had two kids. Her husband has worked the same job for nine years. They are in that place where that they make to much money to get help (26,000 per year) but not enough money to stay afloat. They lived in this little house that you could tell she tried to keep it clean and tidy. But the kitchen counter and faucets was HORRIBLE.. The Formica finish was coming off and I don't think it would have held out much longer.  Anyway last night when we got back to camp, I got a message from her of how thankful she was and that all they needed was a boost in life.  The blessing came after I went to bed (bunk bed with a 2" mattress). Anyway I was laying there complaining in my head about the bed when I remember when Tiffany and Ej was about the same age of these kids and even though we struggled in our little house that lots of times needed repairs, it was a beautiful time in my life and for a moment, life stood still. I cried but it was for the gratefulness that I had for what God had always given me, even when I did not realize how much I was given.  Then today I got to share why I like to do mission trips and that I believe that God expects us to be good stew arts with our time, money and talents. Which brings me to another thing that I learned this weekend. God knew that if he made all things easy for me, that I would not give back. He gave me Jack who taught me lots of construction things. He gave me Tiffany to teach me how to be a friend and a listener and at the same time be a fair mom that loves unconditionally.  He gave me Ej to teach me that everything we have on this earth is a gift, that all things belong to God, our time, our finances and even our children.. So I  have been blessed and I am still blessed and I love lessons in life no matter how hard or how I don't understand..My gratitude to God.

Swinging on the Porch swing

Well I got a some response from my so call blog and I was so excited that anyone read it..lol.  I am glad that I am not the only one that has the opinion that our cell phones rule us. My friend Toni added that another thing about the cell phone that I did not even think of is, when we are in other people's company that we text and take calls.  Her rule is no cell phone at the dinner table..That is a great rule. I have been guilty of taking calls and answering text while I am hanging out with friends and family.. Really, I am going to work on that. I know I have lost memories because I wasn't in the moment. So that is what I am going to work on..If you call or text and I don't answer immediately, hopefully I am on the porch swinging with my friends.. On a lighter note please pray for us, we are leaving for a three day mission trip today..We are staying here in our home state of Kentucky. We will be traveling to Eastern Kentucky. Please pray that God will lead, guide and direct us. May your day be blessed and may all of us remember that the most important thing to do is to stay in the moment..Once that moment is gone, we cannot get back...Peace out...

What we are missing

Well if nothing else this should be an interesting process..maybe not for you but for me. I think it is funny how my title of this blog is Porch and coffee. Seeing that these two items became big interest of mine late in life. But when I think of porch and coffee, I can't help but think about my mom and her friends and family sitting on the porch drinking coffee and just visiting with each other. It really was a beautiful time. I think how much they would have missed if they just text one another. My mom and her sisters would really laugh at everything. I can still hear mom, my aunt Carol, my aunt Shirley and my Gran laughing. They gave me a memory that I will carry with me and long for the rest of my life. Maybe that is my attraction to the porch. Which brings me back to the texting part. Yes, I do text but I don't enjoy it. And I can't imagine that as we grow older we will say or what a great memory of my mom when she was texting her friends and family. There is a element of human relationship that is truly missing. This blog is not going to change world views but I hope it gives my friends something to think about or at least be a good enough friend to say you need to stop blogging. I have no idea where this going but I hope you stop by from time to time. And when I say stop by, I mean not only to read the blog but to stop by and we will drink coffee on the potting shed porch..