To say it has been a rough week would be a understatement. All that runs through this head of mine is my prayer to God that goes like this. Eight years God, how can it be eight years and how many more years before I see my son.
I grieve so much more then just for Ej. I grieve the life that use to be mine. I grieve what could have been. I grieve the life that my daughter tiffany had before her mom and dad was consumed with this grief. I grieve the little things like Ej sleeping so soundly that it took a earthquake to wake him up. I just flat out grieve normal because the new normal isn't ever going to be normal.
But with that being said, I am so thankful what God shows me everyday and I often wondering why I missed so much of what God has always shown me. God gave us so very much right up to the day that Ej left to go to North Carolina. He whispered to me to leave work and go home to say good bye to Ej. He whispered the same thing to Jack, to go home and say good bye to Ej. I know that was God because Ej had went away on several occasions before and not one time did Jack and I leave work to come home and tell him bye. We was absolutely blessed by God to come home and both of us got to kiss him goodbye. And for that I am thankful. Even though at the time I did not put everything together. It was not for a few years that we knew that God knew what we needed. And even last week during bible study with Laura Harris did he show me another something that I was not aware of. Everyday I know that God will give me something and it may be little but it is bigger then the universe to me. This morning when we got up and was having coffee tears filled my eyes and heart as I thought tomorrow will be the date of the last time I physically seen Ej, here on earth. Jack and I discussed it for a moment and then we thought it would be a good time to do our daily devotional. Todays devotional started like this. As you get out of be in the morning, be aware of my presence with you. You may not be thinking clearly yet but I am. Your early morning thoughts seem to be a little anxious until you get connected with me. That is what my devotional said. Really this stuff is to good to make up. So for that I am thankful. God gave me the best memories and I am thankful for that too. My very best memory was when Ej and I talked on Saturday night July 1, 2006. We said our I love you's and when I was getting ready to hang up I heard him say MOM MOM.. I put the phone back up to my ear and I said "what is it, son"? He said have I ever told you that I love you more then anyone in the whole world. I sort of laughed and said I do you too son! Again I got a gift from God and I am so thankful I was on the house phone, because if it would of been my cell phone I would have missed those sweet words that otherwise I would of not heard. Who knew the house phone would be the size of the universe to me! Just thought I would share today, I always feel better if I can just get down on paper. Give all your babies one extra hug and kiss today and it wouldn't hurt to let them have ice cream for dinner!
