To catch a glimpse

This might be the one blog of mine that I don't know if I can explain. But you know me, I will give it a try. The random thing that made me think of this earlier was I was getting a bottle of water out of the fridge and a dream almost came to me. Please tell me that others have almost recalled a dreamed and before you get the memory of the full dream, you lose it.   It was just a glimpse and even though I know I had a moment that was oh so familiar, I could not for the life bring it to full circle. Sometimes I get that glimpse of God and know that it is him and I glance away only for a second and it is gone. Man that is the worst feeling because I know that God had something for me and bam I lost it.  For a moment my heart really skips a beat and I think oh I almost had it. I warned you guys that this random!  But it reminded me that when I take my eyes off God even for a second, I have missed what he has for me.  Since Ej has left to go stay with Jesus, I have had so many moment that I know as I know was God sent.  I know when I was growing up I had glimpses but I had not a clue how big that was.  My friend Donna says I always get God gifts because I am expecting one.  I don't mean that I am special but I believe that God is special and he is always sending us  so much and all we receive is glimpses.  Glimpses of Glory, glimpses of time, glimpses of mercy, glimpses of grace.  I believe sometimes that we are distracted and don't see God.  Then sometimes I realize that I have just missed it and how disappointed God is.  Not really disappointed in me, but disappointed because he knows, wow if Vickie would have got that, she would of loved that so much. Even writing that makes me cry.  I know God sends us things all the time and we could have so much more then a glimpse if we keep our eyes on Jesus. It is more then a glimpse when I sit quietly with Jesus and I know that is so much how he communicates. My prayer is that you and I get more then a glimpse, that we get a open heaven.  I have prayed and I believe that one day I will see a open heaven. And I don't want to wait to get to heaven to see a open heaven. I am praying that down to earth. I don't know if my heart could take it but I would love to give it a try.  Be intentional and want more then a glimpse.  Want more then a second.  Ask big, what do you have to lose...  God show me your glory!

A filmilar place.....

Tonight I am on the screen in porch. Not in the potting shed, where I am most of the time. Tonight this is a familiar a place I have sat many times, either waiting for the sound of the loud music coming down the road.  Ej's music on his radio always got here about 20 seconds before he would pull in the driveway. The sound of the music would always make me smile, because I knew that he was home safe and all was right in the world. Actually it is a little early for a Friday night but how I loved to hear him coming.  It is pretty quiet here except maybe the tree frogs but they was no match for Ej's stereo. When he was picking out his car, I believe the stereo was the most important. I still have his car. For some reason I know it is way past due for me to have a new car but I love his car.  At first I wasn't going to drive it but I could hear his little voice saying "mom, you have got to be kidding me, I got the car to drive and you should drive it. So I have now been driving it for almost nine years. I couldn't drive it at first but then after some months had went by, I started driving it.  Sometimes I even turn the stereo up really loud because that is what Ej would do. It is funny the things that make me feel close to him.  I was reminded today that when Ej was on his way to North Carolina that weekend, he called me on Friday night June 30 and said mom, I know what I want for my birthday! Would you please call and order me Cursive tickets (it is a band that Ej loved and went to lots of their venues.)  Anyway, I called and order his tickets and then called him back and told him that the tickets was on will call. The concert was on July 12 and I called him back and told him it was done. He reminded that I was the best mom in the world and I am thankful for that.  Ej would not get to go to that concert because he passed away on July 2, 2006.  It was on July 10th when our daughter Tiffany said to me and her dad.  Let's go to the concert!  The tickets was on will call for Jack Glenn and since Jack and Ej had the same name, we could pick up his tickets. So we loaded in the car and drove to northern Kentucky and watch Cursive. They was so kind and came and talked to us before the show and put us up in the loft while the concert played.  The best part was the lead singer held up a picture of Ej and said that he was suppose to be at the concert and that he had passed away.  As he was talking about Ej, you could hear a pin drop. He introduced me, Jack and Tiffany and the best part was all these 1000 or more 21 year olds started blowing us kisses. It was the best, these kids with their purple hair, tattoo's, piercings, and rockers was standing on their feet blowing kisses. I have held that memory and can still see all of them with their sweet hearts. What I though was going to be the worse night of my life turned out to be so meaningful. What great fans Cursive has and I will be ever so grateful that he honored our son.  Now in just four short days is Ej's birthday. He will be 32 years old...He was 12 days short of 23 when he passed away.  But what a gift from God. If I had it all to do again, I would gladly do it, even if I knew what I know now.  God really has gave me two great gifts...He gave us Tiffany and then he gave us Ej.  So I love to sit here in the familiar place, where if I close my eyes and listen really close, I can hear Ej's stereo getting here just before he pulled in the driveway. A sound I will never forget, a love I will never forget, a son I will never forget but most of all a gift of a lifetime. Until we meet again Ej, momma will always be thankful for her brown eyed boy...