Roller Coaster!

Well that is how explain about my life. ROLLER COASTER! Yesterday was a very hard day for Jack and I. It really has no rhyme or no reason. Some times I know what opens the floodgates of tears and some days not so much. I am so very blessed to have the friends that I do. Friends that can't phytham the loss of a child but they are so clued in on how it must hurt.
One thing that I want to say is that I am always amazed when someone says that I inspire them. Let me insert here (it is no way, shape or form) me that is doing the inspiring. I know as I know that the inspiring comes from God. I know when I have my melt downs that God never has a melt down. I know that when I just can't get this head wrapped around my situation that God is all over it.
I guess the first part of my struggle (this week) started Saturday when I was making my nieces and nephews their little gifts from Jack and I. I can't say too much about that (don't want to give away the gift part to nieces and nephews) but that stirred up that all the kids will be here, all except Ej. So not much sleep on Saturday night. I did not feel like going to church on Sunday but I did and of course the sermen included not giving your all and coming to church just because is not good enough. But anyway, after the service, a lady at the church that reminds me so much of my mom grabbed me and gave me a hug. And she said you was on mind last night and so I prayed for you. Norma Coffey that made me cry all the way home. To think that someone thinks of me and prays for me, just like my mom would have. Now do I need to insert that God has got this. So then come Monday night when it was time to wrap the gifts, well going down again. Still not giving too much away in cases sneaking nieces and newphews are reading this. It made me wonder what Ej's interest would be today and what he would be doing. I think I have shared this before but there is just days that I SHOULD NOT GO THERE! But I did! Round two of melt down pursued and was with me on Tuesday. That is when God sent Donna (her daughter Amanda is in heaven with Ej and they are comet jumping) Anyway God sent her to my office where she looked at me and said HONEY what is wrong and then she followed up with well that was a dumb question because I know what is wrong. By the time she left my office, I was better and she always makes me feel better. See God has sent me another mother that has lost a child to comfort me and give me wisdom of a Jesus Girl! Thanks Donna!  And I might insert here that all the sweet little friends on fb, that share kind words and comments that make m e feel better. Then Jack took me to Somerset last night to watch our little Kade (grandson) play basketball. It done my heart good to do a little coaching. Well actually I am not the coach but I am the nana who thinks she is the coach. So God let me think I know enough about basketball to do a little bleacher coaching...lol. So last but not least was my conversation with my other friend Julie Beckman who has got to be the sweetest person...And she has loads of compassion that I think God blessed her with. When those words was said that I inspire her..That is so funny to me because most the time I am doing all I possibly can to get by. But that is where God comes in once again. I CANNOT do anything without him leading and guiding and trying to make me understand that I am not controlling this life but God is. And I am thankful that God is patient with me because if he was not God, I would have already wore him out and would have made him quit. But I am thankful that he keeps sending me all the people I get to conversate with. He sends all of my friends just in time and with the right words and all I can say is I AM SO BLESSED, I AM SO THANKFUL that God or my friends have not walked away saying you are too much of a mess for me to stay. Please have the best Christmas ever with your children. Love them and when they are on your last nerve love them a little more. God has got me thus far and believe me when I say that it is miles further then I could have got on my own. It is not me, it is God.