long time no post....

Well it has been a long time since I last post..where does time go?  It has been a blur since May.  We have been so blessed to have visits from family and friends, so I guess that is why time has flew by.  We got to have a celebration of life for Ej in July. It did mine, Jack's  heart good to have such a great turn out.  Ej would be thirty years old and I know that he is in the presence of God... I know that I could of not survive if I did not know God. That is what gets me through this life, this month, this week, this day, this hour, this minute. Our friend Brad Bulla lost his son August 3, 2005 and today I read about one of Brad,s friends (who also lost his daughter) anyway Brad posted how he and his friend encouraged one another along the way..it made me think of the many friends that I have had to encourage me, Jack, and tiffany along our way. God always provides for us even when tears are clouding our eye's.  So thankful that Brad 's post reminded me of the blessings of friends. God even puts people in our path that have experienced the same grief that we have. I love all our friends and I have such a special bond with those that understand my heart.  My prayer is that we always can be a friend to others. I hope that Jack and I can encourage others like we have been encouraged. Thanks Brad and Tracy, we will never forget Christmas eve in the potting shed, crying, laughing and remembering Jed and Ej! Thanks for our own little music venue..

mothers past present and future

As I reflect on mother's day...I cry, I smile and I am in awe of what God's plan is.  It always was about my mom, even when I had children...mother's day wasn't about me. I could only hope that I was even half the mom that my mom was. God blessed me with Tiffany and Ej..and I am so thankful for what he has given me..not only did I get tiff and ej but I also got two beautiful grandsons...now I watch my daughter who us now the mom. She is an amazing mother. She had wonderful role models in my mom and in my grandmother's..I believe God made women to be the toughest mom and the most compassionate mom all in one.  So many women have influence my life in so many ways and for that I am thankful...Thanks mom, granny, grandma Lockhart, aunt Loretta, aunt Shirley, and my beautiful daughter Tiffany and my other daughter (who isn't our daughter by blood but our daughter by love) kristi....you all mean the world to me...

I am Ej & Tiffany's mom

As I was thinking about God this morning and how we as in the flesh, because we don't see with our physical eyes. We have a hard time believing. We do not physically see our God (yet) but that does not make him any less our God. We have to see God in things around us..For me I see him most when I am outdoors, especially at night in the stars and the moon.
So my best analogue of this is I am Tiffany's mom. You can physically see that. Because she is here and you can see her with eyes. (and you know from the way she acts sometimes, she is mine...lol) Then there is Ej, who is not physically here but I am still his mom. We don't physically see Ej anymore. But I see Ej with my faith eyes. I see Ej in dreams and vision (that by the way is nothing to do with me or Ej) but has everything to do with what God gives us. I cannot see Ej with my natural eyes but he is still my son, and I am still his mother. I cannot see God with my natural eyes but he is still my father and I am still his daughter. When we understand how much our faith eyes impact our lives, it will shows us things that our natural eyes cannot see. Some of you know Tiffany and Ej and it is easy to believe that both are my children, but for those who have never met Ej, how do you really know that he is mine. You know that by faith. Yes, you see evidence in pictures of Ej with us and you know by what others have said that I do have a son (a very real son) that I am his mom. You have seen Tiffany and still can see Tiffany and I am her mom. But we have that same evidence of God in the bible. We see that same evidence when we see the creation that has given to us. You have seen miracles and wonders, and if you did not recognize the miracles and wonders does that mean they don't exist. I am thankful for the faith that is beyond my understanding that God has blessed me with. But you have to know that faith is for everyone. You can have that same faith by seeking God, by reading his word, by stepping out of the boat. How are you ever going to know if you can walk on water if you never step out of the boat..I am Tiffany and Ej's mom, I am God's daughter and God is my father. That is just the facts. May God show you something amazing today..Let me rephrase that. May you SEE the amazing things that God is going to show you today...Peace, love and blessings

A GOOD LAND

For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land-a land with brooks, streams, and deep springs gushing out into the valleys and hills; Deuteronomy 8:7
This is what God gave to me first thing this morning. So I sat down and read Deuteronomy 8. It made me think of how God gives us promises that WE do not claim. It would be like someone giving you a new house and even though it is your house, you will not live there because you did not take the key to your new house, unlock the door and move in!
God has given us so much but because we are sheep (head down and never looking up) we do not receive what has been given to us. Don't you think that would be so frustrating to God. I guess frustrating would not be the right word. That would be our human word! I think more like heartbreaking to God. I am guilty of not claiming my promises. I let the enemy tell me that God meant that promise for someone else! Not me! I always feel like God says my middle name a lot. You know like VICKIE DEnise will you ever get this. I feel like that I am on another spiritiually growing place right now. You know when your heart races wehn you that what is God going to do next.
Jack and I are on a new adventure and with my natural eyes, I get a little nervous. With my faith eyes, I see that nothing is impossible wehen we are in God's will. So I believe that was what God was giving me this morning. I could have just brushed it off but I chose to get in the word of God to see what God was trying to tell me. It told me that God is bringing us into a good land-a land with brooks, streams and deep springs GUSHING out into the valleys and hills.  I am not believing what the enemy wants me to believe. His lies is this land is too big for you, that the giants live in this land, and that I need to stay where is is comfortable.That is time to take a leap of faith. So we are leaping! Please keep us in your prayers that we are in God's will. It would be good for your soul to read Deuteronomy 8 today and listed to what promise God has for you and claim that promise. May your 2013 bring you into the a good land-a land with brooks, streams, and deep streams gushing out into the valleys and hills! Peace, love and BLESSINGS to all of you.

Roller Coaster!

Well that is how explain about my life. ROLLER COASTER! Yesterday was a very hard day for Jack and I. It really has no rhyme or no reason. Some times I know what opens the floodgates of tears and some days not so much. I am so very blessed to have the friends that I do. Friends that can't phytham the loss of a child but they are so clued in on how it must hurt.
One thing that I want to say is that I am always amazed when someone says that I inspire them. Let me insert here (it is no way, shape or form) me that is doing the inspiring. I know as I know that the inspiring comes from God. I know when I have my melt downs that God never has a melt down. I know that when I just can't get this head wrapped around my situation that God is all over it.
I guess the first part of my struggle (this week) started Saturday when I was making my nieces and nephews their little gifts from Jack and I. I can't say too much about that (don't want to give away the gift part to nieces and nephews) but that stirred up that all the kids will be here, all except Ej. So not much sleep on Saturday night. I did not feel like going to church on Sunday but I did and of course the sermen included not giving your all and coming to church just because is not good enough. But anyway, after the service, a lady at the church that reminds me so much of my mom grabbed me and gave me a hug. And she said you was on mind last night and so I prayed for you. Norma Coffey that made me cry all the way home. To think that someone thinks of me and prays for me, just like my mom would have. Now do I need to insert that God has got this. So then come Monday night when it was time to wrap the gifts, well going down again. Still not giving too much away in cases sneaking nieces and newphews are reading this. It made me wonder what Ej's interest would be today and what he would be doing. I think I have shared this before but there is just days that I SHOULD NOT GO THERE! But I did! Round two of melt down pursued and was with me on Tuesday. That is when God sent Donna (her daughter Amanda is in heaven with Ej and they are comet jumping) Anyway God sent her to my office where she looked at me and said HONEY what is wrong and then she followed up with well that was a dumb question because I know what is wrong. By the time she left my office, I was better and she always makes me feel better. See God has sent me another mother that has lost a child to comfort me and give me wisdom of a Jesus Girl! Thanks Donna!  And I might insert here that all the sweet little friends on fb, that share kind words and comments that make m e feel better. Then Jack took me to Somerset last night to watch our little Kade (grandson) play basketball. It done my heart good to do a little coaching. Well actually I am not the coach but I am the nana who thinks she is the coach. So God let me think I know enough about basketball to do a little bleacher coaching...lol. So last but not least was my conversation with my other friend Julie Beckman who has got to be the sweetest person...And she has loads of compassion that I think God blessed her with. When those words was said that I inspire her..That is so funny to me because most the time I am doing all I possibly can to get by. But that is where God comes in once again. I CANNOT do anything without him leading and guiding and trying to make me understand that I am not controlling this life but God is. And I am thankful that God is patient with me because if he was not God, I would have already wore him out and would have made him quit. But I am thankful that he keeps sending me all the people I get to conversate with. He sends all of my friends just in time and with the right words and all I can say is I AM SO BLESSED, I AM SO THANKFUL that God or my friends have not walked away saying you are too much of a mess for me to stay. Please have the best Christmas ever with your children. Love them and when they are on your last nerve love them a little more. God has got me thus far and believe me when I say that it is miles further then I could have got on my own. It is not me, it is God.

I am Forgiven

I have learned so much about forgiveness over the last few years and one of the biggest thing I have found is that it is harder for me to forgive myself then it is  to forgive others.  I believe that some unforgiveness of others comes from not forgiving ourselves.  It is much easier to blame someone else then to think that the burden of responsibility might be on me.  With that being said not forgiving ourselves comes from pride. The pride that we think we are higher then God because he has forgiven us so why can't we forgive. When the bible says when we ask God not only with our mouths but with our hearts to be forgiven. It is done! Not tomorrow not the day after that not 5 minutes from now but right at that very second that you ask for forgiveness.  So God has forgiven us, but we keep it going. We try to figure out why we did it. We try to blame others for what WE did and then before we know we are back in the cycle of unforgivness. The very thing that God took and forgot about until we remind him. Sometimes we have to say I am sorry, will you forgive me. EVEN if we think we did nothing wrong. But if we have hurt someones feelings intentional or UNINTENTIONAL, that does not make their feelings any less hurt.  And I am not proud of the fact that in the past I have hurt someones feelings and I have done that intentionally.  How sad for me. That to hurt someone on purpose, well, is just mean spirited. But even if I hurt someone in my past and was unintentional I always thought, well that is their problem because I did not do it on purpose. I am thankful that I am not the old Vickie but the new Vickie. It is such a freedom. I am not perfect but no stretch of the imagination but I know I am a Jesus Girl and that makes me smile.  God's word is very clear about if you have unforgiveness in your heart and you come to the Alter of God, that you are to make it right and then come back to the Alter of God. If you believe in God's word then that is the message. I am not saying that forgiveness is easy, it is not because it involves us giving up what we would like to hold on to. I am thankful for the forgiveness that I have gotten from my friends and family but more than that, I am thankful that I am forgiven by our most precious heavenly Father. The Alpha and the Omega...

Friends forever I hope we will be

I have really been inspired by friendships lately. I wish that all the world could get that material things are just temporary and that true friends are not something that you can buy or sale.
This really got me thinking about friendships a couple of weeks ago, when my friend Tracy Simmons came to have coffee in the potting shed. We literally sat in the potting shed for three hours, just talking, eating pumpkin roll that Tracy had brought (which was awesome by the way) and hanging out. No TV, no distractions, no spending money. The highlight was the fire was going and it was just plain nice and simple.
It could be my age and how I understand now that I am not going to be laying on my deathbed thinking, oh if I could have one more trip to the mall or I wish I would have bought that coach purse. I know that we all have different interest and that is what makes the world go around. But, I promise if I had one wish to make, it would be that all my friends and friends to be would just come and have coffee with me. I love to talk about God, I love to hear about your family, I love to share stories of the past. I guess I just love to make memories! The second request would be no politics please. But I would be more than happy to pray for our leaders. (that one is for you Norma...lol)
It really has reminded that I want to be a better friend. I want my friends and family to know that I always have time for you. I want my friends and family to know that they are welcome at my home anytime. I want my friends and family that all things are possible with God. I want my friends and family to know that what does my heart good is a great conversation with you.
If you want to spend anything on me..I ask that you spend your time and I would love to spend my time with you...You are welcome here...hugs!