Not my will but your will be done.

To say it has been a eventful week would be a understatement.  As I sit here quietly this morning and reflected on the last four or five days, and how God reveals himself to us if we just pay attention.  I believe he is always revealing but we are not always in tune.
Actually I believe God was preparing for the last few days over a week ago when he was preparing my heart while working on the Emmaus walk. I knew this walk was going to show me so much and require me to be in God's will because it was revealed to me before the walk that I would be working this walk for my friend Charmaine who had just lost her son Brian. I know that feeling of loss and no matter how much we love the Lord, the loss of a child consumes us. Brian went home just about 5 weeks before Charmaine, her husband Joel and many of their immediate family members was going to be working that same walk.  My talk I was giving was already in place and God had already given me the talk before Brian went home to be with Jesus. Anyway that reminded that God does not call the equipped, he equips the called. Not by not strength and power of my own do I share about Ej and the loss of a child. As I have prayed for Charmaine, Joel and Brian sister Amy, I have been reminded many times that we do not do these incredible hard things on our own but through Christ who gives us strength. Little did I know at the time that I would be faced with what happened on Monday night. And how much that taught me about a daddy's love.
Jack and I was in the living room and at 9:30 my cell phone rang. I seen it was my dad and I knew something was not right.  My dad ask me to come up and Jack and I immediately ran up to dad's where we seen him very sick, in a chair.  I ask dad what was wrong and he said he was having severe chest pain and his heart was beating 100mph. I said "dad we need to call a ambulance and he looked at me with such calm and peace and said no sis, if you just give me a few minutes I am dying and I just want you guys here with me so I will not alone. He wanted to go home but Jack and I wanted him to go to the hospital. He finally agreed but only if we took him. I was going to do what my father ask me to do even though my flesh was screaming call a ambulance.  Anyway we got him in the car and I drove to Somerset hospital which is about 25 minutes.  I thought of Ej. I thought of how my dad picked me up out of the kitchen floor when I heard Jack on the phone talking to his brother and saying Ej can't be dead. My dad picked me up and said Sis come on, I will help you up.  That was such picture of our heavenly father saying come on, I will pick you up.  Anyway on the way to the hospital, I prayed. My first question was who is going to pick me up when I fall. God said, I will pick you up, like I always have. My heart changed and it was time to practice what Jesus did. to practice and walk in what my biggest lesson through the loss of Ej was. To say to God, not my will but your will be done and mean it.  As soon as I uttered those words, I knew that no matter the outcome, it was going to be all right. Even though I knew that no matter the outcome, God was going to take care of us. At that moment I had peace that is beyond this world. Well the outcome was that God's will right now is that dad lives  After putting in two stents, dad is on the road to recovery. So to God be the glory and to me be the lesson. The lesson of trusting, no matter the circumstance.  And dad being dad is convinced that Jack's accident in his garage on Sunday might have made his condition worse.  I don't know if that is true but I always want to pray into the will of God. Do I struggle with that?  Yes, I do, I am still a spoiled child sometimes and want my will. In this journey of life we will have to do hard things, we will sometimes ask why me, we will have trials and tribulation. But he is who is in me is greater than he who is in the world.