I get the feeling that this blog might be a little difficult, but I feel like I need to write. I really can't explain what brings on days like today and I try to figure them out. I know that Jack and I have come a really long way, but no matter how far I go and how I trust God and his plan, it doesn't help the fact that I flat out miss j. Ej to most, but I always called him j.
I promise it lights my world up when someone mentions his name. I know that sometimes our friends and family don't speak his name because they are worried it will upset us by reminding us that he is gone. But believe me when I say we do not have to be reminded. I actually am amazed that I can have a business meeting, fix dinner, do church activities, do laundry, have a conversation with 10 people at the same time and Ej never leaves my mind. He is always there, always present, always past, just there. Sometimes it is just nice to know that others remember who j was or who he is. Even on days like today, I love for someone to tell a story about him.
And honestly sometimes I can hear his voice saying "mom, don't be sad because I am great, I am with God". I work so hard to honor his memory. I know that is a privilege that I love and that I am so blessed to get to be able to carry his honor.
I promise it lights my world up when someone mentions his name. I know that sometimes our friends and family don't speak his name because they are worried it will upset us by reminding us that he is gone. But believe me when I say we do not have to be reminded. I actually am amazed that I can have a business meeting, fix dinner, do church activities, do laundry, have a conversation with 10 people at the same time and Ej never leaves my mind. He is always there, always present, always past, just there. Sometimes it is just nice to know that others remember who j was or who he is. Even on days like today, I love for someone to tell a story about him.
And honestly sometimes I can hear his voice saying "mom, don't be sad because I am great, I am with God". I work so hard to honor his memory. I know that is a privilege that I love and that I am so blessed to get to be able to carry his honor.
But the reality is that I am here and he is there. It is a catch 22 to have one child here and one child in heaven. And speaking of that Tiffany has been the most awesome daughter ever. She stood on the sidelines for at least 2 to 3 years waiting for her mom and dad to come back. She never complained, she never said what about me, I am still here. She never turned her grief over to us. She carried that grief of her brother that she loved and then I know she felt like for awhile she lost not only her brother but her mom and dad. But slowly her dad and I found our way back to this place, and I know we are not the same mom and dad that left with Ej, but it was our love for Tiffany, Carson and Kade that made us want to come back.
I really don't know where this going. I just thought it was a good time to help you help others that have lost their child. Speak often of Ej or anyone that has lost a child, share memories, because that is what keep them alive, tell funny stories, tell serious stories. Just sometimes say I want you to know that I think of Ej often. I know I did not come back on my own. We have a God that is in the healing business as much today as yesterday and tomorrow. That same God gave us friends and family. Use your authority that God gave you. And if you don't know what to say to me sometimes, just speak Ej's name..That will help more than you will ever know. I do love my friends and family but I REALLY LOVE THE GRACE OF GOD.
Vickie, I am so glad that I got to meet EJ, if only once for a short while. I loved his smile and I could tell that he had a big heart and a HUGE love for music. I can't begin to even imagine how difficult each and every day is for you missing his presence here on earth. I love you and pray that God continues to pour his blessings down on you & Jack and your beautiful family.
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